Frustration… and self doubt… and more frustration

It feels like three steps forward two steps back these days. I’ve been really busy this fall which has been awesome. I’ve been happy to do the jobs, finish up the last bits from the wedding I did in July (along with a great friend and great photographer, Mary Hedquist). It has been really fun.

And then I get really frustrated. I have set up some policies because I feel really strongly about a few things and one of them has to do with images on CDs. I know there are a lot of startup photogs out there who include all the pictures on a disc. I don’t. I don’t want to start, because I fear I will never be able to take them away and I feel like I put in too much time editing and perfecting images to just give them away like that. Some may say that a $75 session fee is hardly giving them away, but I say… compare around. I am hardly the most expensive out there. In fact, for what I do and the amount of time I spend with these images… I am fairly cheap. But seeing jobs walk away is hard to swallow. Jasmine Star would say “that is ok! You attract or repel.” Sure, maybe these clients wouldn’t be my ideal target clients. But it is till hard to watch it walk away when i am trying so hard to build up and work.

I have to constantly remind myself WHY I decided on that policy to begin with. I think I am worth it. I have to value my own work if I expect others to value it. There are some who do. Someday more will. It is just hard to wait for it and feel like I am doing something wrong when I am trying SO HARD to heed all the advice I have been given, the things I have studied, the words of the wise who I look up to and want to emulate in my work.

Frustration.
And self doubt.
And more frustration.

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